In Which Amy Plays Catch-Up

I'm back online after being mostly MIA during my whole Living with Mom/Starting the New Job/Moving into a New Place/Why Didn't UP-F*cking-S Deliver Our Modem Yet? debacle. I was so excited to finally have internets access again, I found myself giggling and flirting outrageously (in front of Erick) with the Tech Support guy--Rey--who helped me figure out why Verizon's Easy As 1-2-3 Internets Hook-Up took me 45 minutes of cursing, snapping at Erick, and crawling around behind the computer desk, trying to figure out what color-coordinated plug goes into what color-coordinated socket.

Here's an update on what's going on with me lately:

Moving on Up
So, we moved. No more MOFN jokes (unless I'm referencing Mom's house). We are officially "in the city" of Elmira Heights. They call this state "New York" and the people who live here call themselves "New Yorkers," but unless you've either 1.) gotten into a fist fight over which team is better, the Yanks or the Mets, in the Met or 2.) hailed a cab drunk off your ass in Chinatown at 4am coming from an illegal club in a Chinese resturant's kitchen because the scary Good Lucky Kitty in the window was giving you the evil eye you can't call yourself a real "New Yorker." Anyhoo, the school Lizzie will go to is great, we have friends who live right nearby, and it's only 8 minutes from my new job. After MOFN, this place is like Xanadu.

(Minus Olivia Newton John and the annoying theme song.)

Totally Certified
I found out I passed my CNA test about 3 days after I took it. I would have told everyone on Facebook, but I had promised Dad he wouldn't have to find out about any more big news via Facebook so I couldn't say anything, but I kept forgetting to tell Dad. When people would ask me if I passed, I was always like "Oh, shit. Yeah, I passed, but don't say anything because I haven't told Dad yet. And I promised I would." Skip ahead, skip ahead, skip ahead. I text Dad last night to tell him I passed because I suddenly had a moment of clarity and remembered that I kept forgetting to tell him. Classy, right? I was terrified of slipping up and telling Facebook about my certification after seeing Dad's bitter "I wish I could find out about things in my childrens' lives without reading it on Facebook." status after my gleeful 'honor role student' announcement.

(But, get this: I texted him from my couch. Go Team Cell Service!!)

Gainful Employment
And now that I'm certified (not certifiable), I can also announce that I'm the proud owner of a job. I work days (6.45a - 3.15p because I just may be certifiable after all) at the Chemung County Nursing Facility. Basically, my job is to take care of old people like they're infants or small children while not treating them like infants or small children while they act like infants or small children. Up next is at least a year's worth of experience then back to school to go for either my LPN or RN.

(Yes, you read that right: back to school. This is where you ask, "Who are you and what have you done with Amy?")

I just re-read this post and it's very jumping up and down, waving my hands in the air, screaming, "Look at me! Over here, dude! Over here! I'm awesome!" I think that's enough for now since I want to avoid the copious amount of ridicule and/or mockery I would have to endure if I kept typing. Promise that my next post will be much more witty.

But nothing about my residents. F*cking HIPAA laws.